Quarantine is boring. That’s the truth. If there’s one thing we’ve learned from the corona lockdown, it’s that there is a limit to how much Netflix you can watch. You need to have something else to do as well as sit on the couch and flip through a list of movies. Even if you’re a reader and get a kick out of books, at some point you realize that you need some kind of conversation too.
You don’t really get a choice about who to be stuck in quarantine with, but if someone was letting us choose, here are the top 10 people we’d take with us when the doors close for the next 14 days.
1. Amy Schumer
Let’s face it, things can get a little depressing when you’re stuck in quarantine, so it’s a good idea to spend the time with someone who can see the funny side of things. Amy Schumer’s one of the best comedians of our time; she was actually nominated for a Grammy for her comedy album (did you even know that was a thing?) and she’s had hilarious appearances with talk show hosts like Oprah and Ellen de Generes.
If I was stuck in quarantine on my own, I’d probably spend a lot of time watching her skits on YouTube, so she’s my choice to keep me entertained and distracted until I can rejoin the rest of the world.
2. Jamie Oliver
Most of us seem to be spending a lot of our quarantine time eating (one of the jokes doing the rounds is that the only door Ieft open nowadays is the fridge door). So it seems sensible to make sure that you have food that’s worth eating around.
Jamie Oliver is one of the top celebrity chefs today. If you’ve ever checked out ‘The Naked Chef’ you’ll know that his food is drool-worthy, and hey, Jamie himself is pretty cute, too. Plus he has that cool British accent thing going for him.
One last great reason to choose Jamie — unlike a lot of celebrity chefs I could mention <cough Gordon Ramsay cough> he’s patient and calm under stress, so he probably wouldn’t attack you if you accidentally passed him the wrong knife.
3. Gunnar Peterson
Collectively, the world’s population has gained ten pounds each during quarantine, since there’s nothing to do but eat (see my last suggestion) and nowhere to go but the couch. If you want to be able to fit through the door when your quarantine finally ends, try spending it with one of the world’s best personal trainers.
I’m choosing Gunnar Peterson. He’s the man who keeps Jennifer Lopez, the Kardashians, and all the Lakers looking hot and feeling strong, so he’s got plenty of top people to write him a reference. He’s also well known for being fun to be around, and says that it’s important to keep his routines enjoyable and diverting. Plus, he’s already begun sharing home exercise routines to keep you fit during quarantine, so he’s clearly started doing his homework. Sounds good to me!
4. Scarlett Johansen
We could spend a lot of time (14 days of quarantine, perhaps) arguing about who’s the most beautiful woman in the world, but Scarlett is always up there in the top ten list. She’s blond, curvy, and gorgeous, so I can certainly think of worse people to be shut in a house with for 14 days!
5. Zac Efron
And then there’s Zac Efron. Bright blue eyes, a stunning smile, and chiseled good looks make him my pick for 2 weeks with nowhere to go. I could probably spend that much time just staring at him, but judging by his performance in The Greatest Showman, he’s a pretty good singer too. Perhaps we could do a duet together, when I get tired of admiring him.
6. Marie Forleo
When you’re a small business owner, there’s no such thing as taking time off from business. Even 14 days of quarantine can’t stop you from working away at business development, marketing strategy, and new entrepreneurial ideas.
That’s why it’s a good idea to take Marie Forleo into quarantine with you. She’s one of the world’s leading entrepreneurs and business coaches, with hundreds of thousands of fans who pay for her business courses. Her website states her goal quite simply: helping you get anything you want.
2 weeks together should give you enough time to ask Marie for advice about every aspect of your business and get her help in defining your new business ideas. When you step out the door again 14 days later, your business strategy will be perfect.
7. Dick van Dyke
Time passes slowly when you’re in quarantine, but the legendary singer, actor, and dancer Dick van Dyke would help it pass a little more quickly. Dick van Dyke is most famous for his roles in Mary Poppins and Chitty Chitty Bang Bang, but he’s been an entertainer, one way or another for 70+ years. I’m quite sure that he has enough songs and routines to keep me interested for 14 days indoors
It’s likely that by the end of quarantine, he’d have all the birds trained to conduct a choreographed song-and-dance routine. Dick’s also almost always in a good humor, which is quite important when you’re stuck in the same house with someone for 2 weeks.
8. Marie Kondo
When you’re living a busy life as a business owner, you rarely have enough time to spend at home. Since you’re stuck indoors for 14 days, you’re going to start noticing the piles of magazines that you never got around to sorting, the fact that your closet is stuffed with clothes that you rarely wear, and that your loft could be a stunning guest room if only it wasn’t filled with junk.
The only trouble is that now that you finally have the time to deal with these chores, you don’t have a clue where to begin.
All this makes it a good idea to ask Marie Kondo to join you in quarantine. She’s the queen of home organization and home makeovers, helping people all over the world to tidy up their homes and declutter their apartments. Plus, she says that as a native of Japan, she’s used to coping with natural disasters and good at staying calm in a crisis.
Ok, he’s a fictional character, but that doesn’t matter. MacGyver is a genius, speaks multiple languages, has a military background, and he’s shown repeatedly that he prefers to use creative ways to resolve a conflict instead of going in with both guns firing.
“MacGyvering” something is even a verb nowadays, based on the way that MacGyver always manages to come up with some clever tool or piece of equipment using just a few simple components that he happened to have in his pocket.
MacGyver is undoubtedly one of the most useful people to be stuck with during a worldwide pandemic. You know that if the lock on your bathroom door jams or your sink blocks up, he’ll be able to fix it for you, which is just as well because you probably wouldn’t be able to get a handyman or a plumber to come out during a lockdown.
10. Doctor “J.D.” Dorian
During a global pandemic, it makes sense to have a doctor with you. My pick is J.D., the narrator and lead actor in Scrubs. Ok, his medical credentials might be slightly fictional, but I’m sure he picked up some useful skills during 8 seasons of the show.
Plus, he’s pretty cute. I don’t think we need more of a reason than that to pick him for 14 days of quarantine.
Now. Did we forget anyone who’d be top of your quarantine list?